I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself by Marisa Crane


Dept. of Speculation meets Black Mirror in this lyrical, speculative debut about a queer mother raising her daughter in an unjust surveillance state

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“Tragically poetic, compellingly original, and deeply human, this is a masterpiece.

In an all-too-familiar dystopic world, Crane has given us an intimate portrayal of grief, justice, and resistance. The sentences ache, all the markers of grief (anger, frustration, sadness, loss) vibrating alongside Kris’s tenacity and dark, complex humor as she both bristles at and embraces the necessity of being alive, of raising their kid, of continuing to exist without her person.

Profound and hopeful and radiating love, this book sticks with you like a shadow, reminding you you’re alive.”


In a United States not so unlike our own, the Department of Balance has adopted a radical new form of law enforcement: rather than incarceration, wrongdoers are given a second (and sometimes, third, fourth, and fifth) shadow as a reminder of their crime—and a warning to those they encounter. Within the Department, corruption and prejudice run rampant, giving rise to an underclass of so-called Shadesters who are disenfranchised, publicly shamed, and deprived of civil rights protections.

Kris is a Shadester and a new mother to a baby born with a second shadow of her own. Grieving the loss of her wife and thoroughly unprepared for the reality of raising a child alone, Kris teeters on the edge of collapse, fumbling in a daze of alcohol, shame, and self-loathing. Yet as the kid grows, Kris finds her footing, raising a child whose irrepressible spark cannot be dampened by the harsh realities of the world. She can’t forget her wife, but with time, she can make a new life for herself and the kid, supported by a community of fellow misfits who defy the Department to lift one another up in solidarity and hope.

With a first-person register reminiscent of the fierce self-disclosure of Sheila Heti and the poetic precision of Ocean Vuong, I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself is a bold debut novel that examines the long shadow of grief, the hard work of parenting, and the power of queer resistance.

I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself by Marisa Crane